April 21

11.50pm.... as i sit lay back with my laptop in front of me... thoughts begin to fill my mind...

many called and ask how did i celebrate my birthday... I laugh... i just had a small dinner is my reply... well.. u just don't understand what it feel like when nothing feels alright.....

as i drove my car today to visit my customer... i listen to the radio... there's this caller called in.. he chit-chat with the host... the host ask... today is tuesday.. what day do u actually hope it'll be?? he replied.. i hope it's my birthday everyday... i smirk.. honest... whats so grand about birthday... come on, is it because i had a shitty birthday thats y i never view it as anything special??

i stumble upon the sight of her... i always have the ability to stand up to face any adversary... but i got so weak when it came to her... what is with her or should i say, what is with me that i can't be strong?? hey.. superman is afraid of kryptonite... at least superman is not weak when with louis lane~

there's more work to be done... more ground to be covered... i read an article to today... if u fall, u tried 100 times to get back up but still fail that 100 times... u should keep trying to stand up until the day u stood up... it's matter how u finish.. either u finish strong or u don't finish at all..

i found my way around and my focus.... it's been afterall more than a month... but it's really hard to let go... come on.. many said.... how hard is it... she's nobody!!

they say as if i have no clue what i should do... telling me this and that... is there actually another jest who would actually sit down and ask me.. what i want?? how should i go around it?? why such thing happen and how i can turn this around?? is everything going to be ok?? u need a shoulder?? no... u come and u say forget about it.. am i that stupid to a point i do not know that i should forget about her??

it's tough to be in the situation myself and still have to answer these stupid questions myself.. asking myself what i want, how should i go about it, at the same time handle my work, studies and put up big stupid smile...

i say many times that i can handle this because if we keep telling ourself that we can... we can actually do it... so stop the forget about her thing!! i'm tired listening to this thing over and over again....

it's so not easy to see the person u like with another guy, it's so not easy wanted to hold her so much but i have to hold every single thing back! to just wanted to tell her the magic words again but i can't...... to on the verge of breaking down, i have to pick myself up!!!!!!! myself.....

try to think other things u say.. focus on work.. u think handle own company is that easy?? it's a company, it's not even self-employ... try constant troubleshoot a new born company..

she told me yesterday.. she was hurt before i felt it now.... i couldn't agree more... but i never leave her side!!! i was always there to make it feel alright again.... where is that one time when i needed it to make it feel alright the most~!! u always thought i will be happy but did u ever think i'm not going to be okay?? did it ever cross your mind??