august 26

it's 2.21am now

i cannot fall asleep.... r there things that bother me?? yes, there is..... and i don't know where to start....

on and off there's this girl who show real interest in me... but i am not about to do anything...

seriously... not that i'm afraid nor that i'm not trying to open up..

u c, this is my take.... i don think what i have gone through is a lot but its definetely something... at least to me... and i'm not going to jump the gun unless either i have keep it all aside or unless i am being known of who i am

i just told a friend... sometimes we need to be strong that we can't cry

of course i knew as of now i need a shoulder.....

so many things ran through my mind.... everything that we had shared

she leave her imprint so deep that to me..... she played such an important role

everybody is good at wearing mask and i knew i am doing it pretty well during the day time... only this time round, rather than share it out with other ppl, i prefer to keep it to myself

one of my cousin who is doing her psychology research send me this questionaire thing... one of the question goes like this

what keeps u motivated or rather what inspire u

to be honest the first answer that pop up in my mind... blew me apart

P played such a role that when i look at the question my first answer to that question is "to not let P down"

irony, it happen that when i'm with her i always let her down... at least that's what i presume... maybe i fail to live up to her expectation

an individual told me if u love a person, u should make sure the person to be love.. either by u or by any other ppl

i knew many understand this that to c the person u really really have strong feelings for being cared and loved by other ppl.... makes u feel like crap

i know, to the fact that she is being well taken care of.... i really believe so... that she is in good hands.... all in all i knew an awesome person like her seriously deserve someone better

i don want to jump the gun and is definetely not ready for anything else... i just want to study and work to better myself.... i just want to take this as an alone time

u know there's this verse once said

i am nobody thus even the biggest wound will look small on me...

though tired being of nobody... sometimes the more we struggle... the more empty we feel.. it just amazed me how fast some other ppl can move on...

my friend called and give me his biggest encouragement... showing me all the support he can

i am really grateful

i also have good friends supporting me

but towards the end of the day.... i knew it all too well.. it's still empty

i knew i have to be strong and i am doing it... but please don't judge me on this... many just have no clue how important of a role she had played in me

seriously u don't

her voice at night still echo through.... and many have no clue that the many sleepless night i had is simply me having such a tough time putting it down~!!!!!!

it's over and i freaking know it.... i do!!!!!

a friend asked me wha's so special about her....

above everything... she gives me that extra heartbeat....

worthwhile or worthless... this is my life and i have to struggle through

i don need much sympathy.... i don't.....

she has been my earth and sun......