sushi boy

dear sushi zai,

it's 5.20am now.. grasping with much tears... i can't even fall asleep...

many said as well u too sushi zai, thought i'm much stronger that this... little that many people knew... that's my alter ego that i'm portraying... i'm very much a weak and insecure individual on the inside... i just can't wear that face during working hours...

mommy always have hold u when she is in the car... all the time without fail.... and i think u will be very lonely for quite some time... i'm sorry...

i have never want or wish this to happen... trust me on this... i don't

i'mvery much as devastated as u r...

u were chosen by both of us... with much glee and laugther... we brought u home..

i meet a guy earlier today who just broke up with his 6 year long girlfriend... he was devastated... i understand how he feels... but thats only that much we can do...

shall i be the one for u??

there's many many reason for a person to shed a tears or two... and also many many reason to be sad... but back to basic... nothing is comparable of everytime she walks away... u know how building were collapsing in 2012?? it's worst... my life literally crumble

i barely have the energy nor motivation to do anything...

many said time will heal it all... seriously... don't believe this shit because i have been through this... not once but many times..

she once praise u little sushi zai having cute feet... i hope u will get that compliment very soon in the future... i don't know when

but to u sushi zai i vow to make it happen.... i don know when nor do i know if it will work... i don't even dare to think about the possibility...

right now u're the one that will company me to sleep and listen to all my stories...

sorry

i know u miss her hug... when situation got worsen... dont worry.... i very much assure u will be in her arms rather than mine... just asked how warm capuchino felt...

u dont have to remind me how bad it felt... and u can yell as well as scold me for losing mommy as bad as u want.... i really don't mean to make this happen.. i really don't

there's this quote...

what is more resiliant?? virus?? bacteria?? an idea many said... as u couldn't kill an idea... while others said it's values....

to me it's memory... the feeling that can't be erase... i went by so many places that we have once been before... and each time i past by those places i drop a tear or two... it's seriously that bad

3 years does not come and go that easily.... we literally build something with our hand.... and unfortunately this thing that we build can't be destroy... just like that

give me the strength lord for i am always your child...please lord.. i need the strength... and sushi zai... please give me that extra strength too...

be good for now sushi zai.. and to capuchino.... i miss u so damn much.... like so damn much.....