part 1

after a lots of crying, i finally began to c why i'm in where i am

it's true that god make this to make me learn something while also giving opportunity for others...

surely i have not learn my lesson well enough last year.....

yes, there's improvement but i doubt its of any better.... laying blame, thats what i'm good at... so stupid...

my old friend who spoke to me even asked what has happen to me and why am i so different... and yes, even my parents question that too... as i have lots of time to reflect on my attitude as well as character and what i have did or say.... i began to realize, something which i should have realize long time ago

the problem really lies in me

it's not really about "yeah, i'm free to look for some better gf... the cycle will still be the same for the problem is not solve...."

i still believe that if it is meant to be it will be..... who knows what future holds.... rather than speculate why not i really take this time and refresh myself

it has always been about me and i trusted that this time round.... plz, do think about others.... rather than focus too much energy into the emotion thing, i should learn to take it easy and giving human breathing space

i totally agree that character can't be change but if such does not change.... it's going to be the same cycle and it'll get back to square one...

this lead me to think of this

i had my first relationship.... it was a great relationship.... a very good one... i don't have much argument and were basically thinking the same direction... we enjoy each other's company and shared a lot of laugther.... an awesome relationship from my point of view, which in regards how fine it is... it were never meant to be..... we broken off after only 18 months...

my second relationship then came later.... caught me off my seat... being with her had always been only in dream and to really date her, was a really dream come true... it was the right timing and everything was perfect.... we had our fair share of arguments here and there but from my point of view, the one girl that i really like and one girl that i want to hold very tight on.... arguments lead to more arguments... and many times i fail to see why such argument took place and lay blame stating she was not being understanding enough..... pretty crazy... during a point i lost her but with much determination i won her back.... though now i've lost her out one more time....

i don really know what lies in the future but i knew if it is meant to be it will be... i knew we start off with that perfect timing but that perfect??

i trust that there's a plan for everything so it's really pointless to sit and cry.... although i have to admit.. Haha... sometimes emotions r hard to control but in regards... i think i should control it...

i hate to admit but i think i have really fallen for her... deep?? oh yea.. lol...

as i sit there and began to digest everything that was said to me... i began to think again

before all relationship started... i was really really into this chick that goes by the name E... chased her for quite a while.... nothing really happen.. now that i met her back, in regards of how much i wanted to be with her previously, i no longer want anything to do with her other than just a good friend.....

looking back at this.. again make me realize... it was never meant to be... if it is, it will be... and i don think i want to push that anymore.... rather it's better to stay focus and better myself....

i don think i'm superb but rather i have fallen into the jerk category..

the fact began to sunk in and i began to face it.....

its bad at first but it's pretty ok now... sometimes just need to learn to accept the fact....

receive a call earlier... this girl goes blablabla... oh wow, she can really talk... then she realize i got broken up.... she asked a lot of things too and goes blablabla.... i learned a lot from what she said.... and digest a lot myself too.. thanks for the concern shown though

she then asked me this funny question

A is dating B... B is a girl... A is a guy.... C came after B... B broke off with A and be with C... who is the wrong person

some answered C, some answer B

this is my take... u can play this game yourself too

i don't think C is wrong.. he is merely going after someone he wants... there's no wrong with it and there's tons of this type of guys outside.. i think he is only going after what he wants... be it B is in a relationship or not... If the relationship is solid, he can do nothing

now back to my answer... i think A would probably be the one at fault

now, don get me wrong... B is wrong too but i think her wrong can be forgiven

A.... the so called victim is actually the main cause of such problem... If A is doing an awesome job, again... B wouldn't be going anywhere

one once told me.. even after married if A treat B bad, it'll still end in divorce....

couldn't agree more.... of course there r however many As outside who don't have the shinning quality but is in a relationship... what happen?? they lose their girl and go around crying.. like me... yea.. like the pathetic me..