fail badly

submit my assignment today... everything went well.. went to see my customer... i thought to myself... let's not raise the bar too high today... if i got a pass (which means no tears) that should do alright

all this was fine right up until before i reach office for a training... it was then while i'm waiting for my people to come back... and oh, i smell problem.... i listen to some songs... the song hearbeat by wang lee hom was a hard hitter... the song means a lot to me in a way.... tears began flow like nobody's business... it took me really quite a while before i pull myself back together again....

of coruse who can hide that swollen eye

training went ok.... but i was far from ok.... it's not even ok....

then i took a second hit...

i receive a msg from someone... telling me something... i was of course beyond shock to learn of what happen...

i suddenly quiet down

it hits me over and over again..... ouch

i hold myself back to at least finish the training... as the training ends... me and my other working mate went to KFL for dinner....

i order the wantan mee as dinner and gosh... the moment i sat down the table.... i no longer can hold back.... tears came flowing again... it's a pathetic scene with the head of my company to cry like that in front of so many people... they watched without saying anything....

she had make it perfectly clear and i'm perfectly clear myself too....but it's really not an easy task....

of course a man shouldn't be this weak.. i know~!!

after retard scene and dinner... i went back home... on the way back... a friend called me

we talked....

of course as we talked.. i couldn't control myself again and i'm very sure she heard me crying over the other side... it's again another pathetic scene.....

she replied... u know, i admire u a lot for i thought u were a strong leader... u should really broken down.... i laugh, try to gain back my posture... but i knew i can't or rather i don really care much.....

i just lose a relatioship and basically any sane person who put enough effort and love into it will definetely got hurt.. anyway, my point is... i think i deserve to cry without much question... as we talked she asked... u must have love her a lot....

i was like.. what?? is this even a question??

first... if u don love a person y u get together with that person... secondly, if i don love her u think i' crying like 3 times a day??

i answered... of course

she replied.. y can't u do the same to me

of course i was beyond shock to hear that but i'm definetely in no mood to reply her let alone flirt with her

i know i know... take her as a float or whatever eh.... NO

i definetely cant take this hit

i chuckle and replied... its really different... i cant explain but i don think i would want to explain as well, its just different

she of course maybe got a bit offended replied... y cant u reply...

seriously.... i hardly c her and how could she imagine that i like her just like that?? silly.... enough said

i know what i want from a lady and she is definetely not the one

oh oh.. how about the high school sweet heart??

that one?? i'll skip such topic for the moment... i don really want to comment

my partner in crime then called.... asking me to forget her.. blabla this and blabla that...

i answered... u think i'm robot to able to act so logically... my heart is made of flesh.. i'm human... just as i said that statement... i pause for a moment... a statement seems all to familiar to me.... i hang up.... cover my head with the sheets while writting this blog...

i fail badly..... and this is the 5th time i'm crying again..... yes, stupid but yes....